The Roundup: Marshall on the move? Kobe gets his and the boy wonder skips the prom

Press coverage? No problem.
But watch out for that Big
Mac box! Photo by user
JeffreyBeall on Flickr

I’m Lovin’ it

Brandon Marshall is a dope, plain and simple. He’s also immature, as evidenced by his inability to take the hit for previous injuries he inflicted on himself by supposedly slipping on a McDonald’s wrapper. As a man who’s enjoyed his share of McChickens in his day, I can tell you that I’ve never been close to slipping on a wrapper. I guess making a tip-toe catch in the back of the endzone is easier than avoiding a piece of paper from Mickey D’s.

But now Marshall has decided he’s done with the Denver Broncos, and everyone has a different opinion about what happens next. Should the Broncos trade him? No. As much of a child as Marshall is, he is still very talented and the Broncos need all the talent they can get right now. But then again, they shouldn’t have traded Jay Cutler, and we all know how that worked out. Josh McDaniels can’t afford to have disgruntled players in his first year as head coach, so Denver is likely to move Marshall if they get a decent offer. The Jets, Bears and Raiders are all teams that would get immediate upgrades from a guy like Marshall, provided he doesn’t fall over a Chicken McNuggets box at some point in 2009.

Speaking of the Raiders, as a lifelong fan, I can’t help but be giddy with glee right now. Since the end of last season, the Broncos have fired a Super Bowl-winning coach, traded their Pro Bowl quarterback, and replaced him with Kyle Orton. Christmas came early this year for the Silver and Black! Here’s hoping McDaniels has all the success of previous Belichick protégés (see: Eric Mangini, Romeo Crennel, Charlie Weis).

And hey McDonald’s, you’re welcome for the free advertising. If you want to send me some free stuff, shoot me an e-mail.

Speaking of Cheeseburgers…

I freaking love Prince Fielder. Just like John Daly, Fielder has shown that you don’t have to be a fantastic physical specimen to be a pro ball player. Fielder is just a little fat boy who can swing a bat like he was born to do it (since his dad is the great Cecil Fielder, can you say he was actually born to do it?). He hit a go-ahead grand slam in the eighth inning on Monday night against the Indians, and now has 130 home runs in just his fourth full year in the majors. He sure would look nice in the green and gold…

Is that the hot dog vendor over there?

Photo from user shgmom56 on Flickr.

Kobe: Shaq, tell me how my ass tastes!

So Kobe got his fourth ring, Phil Jackson got his tenth, blah blah blah. This was inevitable and we all knew it was going to happen. Although I detest the Lakers, I am somewhat happy for Kobe. I love to hate the guy, mostly because he is freakishly amazing and is so competitive he would put a flagrant foul on his grandma to win a game. Now he and Shaq have rings without each other, and one day they can retire in Tahiti together – how romantic.

Also, Phil Jackson is one of the greatest coaches ever, but not better than Red Auerbach. Look at it this way – with Michael Jordan and a happy Shaq and Kobe tandem, he won nine straight Finals appearances. Once the Kobe-Shaq marriage began to fall apart, he lost in the Finals, and then lost again with just Kobe. Not any idiot can win with incredible talent, but we’ve seen merely decent coaches win titles because of their superstars. A great example is George Seifert. The guy won a Super Bowl with a San Francisco team Bill Walsh handed to him in 1994, then went 1-15 with the Panthers just seven years later. Funny how he’s never coached another team since.

High School Dropout to Earn Millions

OK, so the headline is based on an assumption, but it’s extremely likely that Sports Illustrated cover boy Bryce Harper will be a millionaire once next year’s MLB draft comes along. The 16-year-old phenom will reportedly forego his last two years of high school, get his GED and enroll in junior college. But those are just details - the real reason this matters is that Harper will become eligible for the draft in 2010. I can’t say I blame him. I’m not one of the guys who says kids should stay in school – if you can be a top ten pick, I say go. Colleges aren’t going anywhere, and you can get a degree at 32 just like you can at 22. But being a top draft pick is fleeting – just ask Matt Leinart.

He was having so much fun in college and rolling over teams in the Pac-10, he decided to come back for his senior year instead of likely being the No. 1 pick in 2005. The next year he was drafted tenth overall, which isn’t bad, but consider that he got $14 million in guaranteed money, compared to the $24 million Alex Smith got for being the No. 1 pick in '05. Was your senior year worth $10 million? Even if he was partying like a madman at USC, I would doubt it.

So Harper should take the money and run. If he becomes a Hall of Famer, great. But even if he doesn’t, you’ve got to strike when the iron is hot, and right now it’s burning up for Bryce.